Is Your Teen Giving it up Online? Advice for parents with teens of the “MySpace Generation.”

Your teenager’s “group” used to be a few classmates from school. Now, thanks to online communities like MySpace and Friendster, a teen's peer group can be hundreds – from all places and all ages – and keeping in touch takes just the click of a mouse (and occupies most of your teen’s computer time). Congratulations! You’re the proud parent to a member of what has been coined the “MySpace Generation.”

MySpace (www.MySpace.com) is a free, online networking community allowing members to create mini-sites for themselves, with photos, music and profile info. According to a recent comScore Media Metrix survey, the site’s membership has increased by 609% - making it a buzzword you’ve probably heard somewhere in the media.
Members become “friends” by contacting other members and asking to be added as a friend. Comment boards, private message sending and instant messaging are also available, helping friends communicate at any time.

So what’s the big deal? Well, with more than 24 million members, chances are your teen either already has a MySpace site or will have one in the very near future. You need to be prepared to confront the possibility that your teen will establish a site which may contain photos and information you do not approve of.

Logging on to your teen’s MySpace site is sort of like opening his or her diary – except that this diary is available for the whole world to see. Like accidentally finding a diary, whether or not to log on and view your teen’s MySpace profile is a common moral dilemma for most parents. How can you respect your teen’s privacy and protect them at the same time? Simple – with open, honest and proactive communication.

Here are some tips for parents on discussing MySpace sites and other online socializing with their teens:

1) Photos. Although MySpace prohibits posting photos that are pornographic, your opinion may differ on what is too racy for your teen. If you already know your teen is posting inappropriate photos, ask him or her why they’ve chosen to represent themselves that way. What is he or she trying to say with the photos they’ve posted? Idea: Have your teen make a list of what makes him or her a “10.” Then, compare that list to the photos used and ask what qualities the photo conveys. (Note: you may think there’s no way your teen has inappropriate photos of him or herself, but Web cams, camera phones and digital cameras have made it surprisingly simple for teens to take candid photos without your knowledge.) Ideally, your teen will pick a photo of something they like (their favorite musical artist, book cover, CD cover, etc..) and not post any pictures of him or her self.

2) Profile. MySpace provides teens with a place to display their creativity. Profiles range from the very basic, to elaborate sites full of color, music, and animation. Encourage your teen to be expressive, but to keep in mind how it will be perceived. If your teen is 14, she shouldn’t list her MySpace age as 17. Remind your teen that honesty is essential. Even if it’s just a joke, inaccurate profile entries can attract the wrong kind of people to your teen’s site - such as online predators.

3) Limiting Online Social Time. When I was growing up, I was not allowed to be on the phone all day and all night talking to my friends. The comScore Media Metrix survey mentioned above also indicates that the majority of MySpace members are between the ages of 12-17. This places them well within the boundaries of parental supervision (after all, they’re probably using the family computer). Establish a limit or a curfew to online chatting. While it may be fun (and keep your teen quiet for hours), it’s very easy to become addicted to a "virtual" community. Keep your teen grounded in reality by making sure he or she is not neglecting homework, family time, and so on.

4) Trust. You are the parent of a teenager, so you already know you aren’t going to be able to oversee everything he or she does. However, by establishing core values such as healthy self-esteem and respect for others, you can find some comfort in knowing that your teen understands the importance of protecting both self-image and boundaries with his or her (or others') body.

5) Socializing and Dating in the Real World. Talking to your teen about communication online is a perfect segue way into discussing socializing in real life. Use this opportunity to find out how your teen approaches dating, intimacy, and sexual situations. Open and honest communication is essential to developing healthy relationships – between you and your teenagers and well as between your teenagers and their potential boyfriends/girlfriends. Lead by example!

Exploring the world via the internet can be a valuable and positive experience for your teen if supervised properly. However, as with most things, there is a dark side to the Internet that can result in negative influences and even self-imposed sexual exploitation unless your teen is given time and direction while he or she forges an identity.

Make sure your teen isn’t "giving it up” online by teaching boundaries, respect for the act of sex, and respect for themselves. Not only will your teen be more likely to approach online relationships with a healthy attitude, but this approach will carry over to the friendships and relationships they create offline as well.