Be Honest & Realistic

--originally printed in November 2004

One of most common mistakes people make in educating students about healthy dating and relationships is that the presenter makes doing the "right thing" always seem simple and easy. The problem with that philosophy is that when a student finds it difficult doing the right thing, the student says to him/herself, "I can't do this" and then they often go back to the unhealthy or disrespectful approach.

If you teach and SHOW how difficult doing the right thing can be, then you properly prepare people for those tough moments. You make it possible for the student to overcome their fears. If you give examples of embarrassing scenarios that could result from doing the "right thing" (such as "asking" before kissing someone and being "turned down"), then you provide honest and real solutions to the audience's biggest concerns. Students appreciate the honesty. When you make everything seem simple and "fairy tale" like, you usually lose your credibility.

While you know doing the "right thing" is important, ask yourself, "How can doing the 'right thing' be embarrassing or feel 'odd' at times?" Think of specific situations. Now, how can you change that situation to reduce the uncomfortable moment? If you can give the audience the worst thing that could possibly happen to them when acting with respect AND then show the audience how to handle that very difficult moment, they will respect you for speaking the truth. Plus, you will give them an answer they can feel comfortable with and can look forward to using in their own lives.

The students will tell you, "Thank you for treating us like adults and for being real with us -- For giving us the chance to make tough decisions." Next time you are working with students, give it a shot and let me know what happens.

P.S. Rehearse first!