"Let It Rain" by a survivor of sexual assault

--originally posted in August 2004

"Repair"
by Jessica

I cannot feel
I cannot see
I cannot wash
I won’t come clean

My face is red
My hands are black
My heart is blue
My soul, it lacks

My spirit’s in pieces
My dreams are jaded
My nights are shattered
My memory has faded

Where innocence presided
Darkness moved in
As soon as my eyes shut
The nightmares begin

My mouth, it is screaming
But no sound will come out
Rescue me from this skin
Let me out, let me out

And now I am running
To find a new day
But I’m running in circles
I just can’t get away

Sometimes I can just sit still
It’s the only peace I find
But when I clear my head there’s room
For that night to replay, replay in my mind

For an answer I search
But it cannot be found
All I find is the horror
The feeling, the sound

My eyes now feel
My hands now see
It’s all mixed up
And I still won’t come clean

This shame it now binds me
My body’s in chains
Please someone free me
From this guilt, from this blame

And now it is raining
The sky cries just for me
There is no sense in staying dry
The water sets me free

The storm is getting bigger
From my eyes my pain still falls
The rain does its best to cover my tears
But it will never hide them all

I want the rain to wash me off
But the rain can’t get inside
For now I have to hold it in
For now I have to hide

And all of a sudden
I have a hand reaching out
Some wrong turns to right
And some hope replaces doubt

I never liked the rain so much
Until I stood in it with you
The soil begins to wash away
A little at a time, the real me shows through

The scars still claim their place
I still feel the pain
But now I know I deserve to come clean
Let it rain. Let it rain. Let it rain.

**If you would like to share a writing with us, please e-mail me at mike@thedatesafeproject.org.